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Automatic Thoughts

“What am I thinking?”

Thoughts are the stories, interpretations, and assumptions we form about situations, often automatically. They’re shaped by past experiences, core beliefs, and our emotional state. While not all thoughts are accurate, we often react to them as if they are facts. Becoming aware of our thinking patterns allows us to pause, challenge distortions, and create space for more realistic and balanced perspectives.

Feelings

“What am I feeling right now?”
“Where do I feel it in my body?”

Emotions are normal reactions. They often arise quickly and can feel intense, especially when tied to old wounds or unmet needs. All emotions are valid, but they don’t always point to the full truth. Naming them (using tools like the Wheel of Emotions) can help us understand their origins, regulate, and respond with more intention.

Behaviors

“What did I do or not do?”
“What do I do when I feel this way?”

Behaviors are how we respond – outwardly or inwardly – to our thoughts and emotions. Sometimes we avoid, lash out, seek reassurance, or shut down. These actions often reflect coping strategies we developed early on. Observing our behavioral patterns helps us understand what we’re trying to protect or express – and opens up the possibility of choosing a different, more aligned response.

Thoughts Are Not Quiet

Our moment-to-moment experience of life is rarely quiet – even when we are silent. We are constantly processing, interpreting, and reacting in ways that can sometimes feel overwhelming. The over-thinkers, the worriers, the quiet ones, the quick to anger, the mindful, the distant. Are these thoughts and feelings normal? Why do we have them? And more importantly – how?
That’s where the Cognitive Triangle comes in – a psychological framework that helps us make sense of our all-too-familiar voices.

What is the Cognitive Triangle?

The cognitive triangle is a central concept in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT); a psychotherapeutic approach developed by Aaron Beck in the 1960’s. CBT has shown effectiveness in treating various mental health conditions including anxiety, depression, and trauma-related disorders. The cognitive triangle illustrates how our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are interconnected—and how each one can shape and reinforce the others. For example:

Imagine your friend doesn’t reply to your message:

• You might think: “They’re ignoring me”, “They don’t care about me”, or “I must be have done something wrong”
• You might feel: anxious, rejected, angry, or lonely
• You might respond by: withdrawing, ruminating, or sending more messages

Using the cognitive triangle, we traced how specific thoughts of “being abandoned” or “not cared about” triggered anxiety and anger which in turn drove the person to withdraw or ruminate.

Are You Thinking What I’m Thinking?

In earlier posts, we explored how unmet needs and attachment styles can shape unique ways of experiencing relationships and internalizing different beliefs about safety, connection, and self-worth. Over time, these internal frameworks, or “maps” of the world, can start appearing in thoughts (i.e. Negative Automatic Thoughts), emotions, and automatic ways of reacting (i.e. Coping Styles). For example, a child who was frequently dismissed or criticized (possible unmet needs of esteem or love & belonging) might grow into an adult whose inner dialogue sounds like:

• “I’m too much.”
• “My needs are a burden.”
• “People won’t meet my needs.”

These thought “patterns” can trigger recurring emotional states such as shame, fear, or guilt, and lead to different coping behaviors like avoidance, people-pleasing, or emotional suppression.

Why It Matters

The Cognitive Triangle isn’t just a theory – it’s a useful tool for understanding and managing our mental well-being. By becoming aware of just one corner of the triangle, we create space for a psychological and behavioral shift:

• Challenge the thought, and the emotional reaction may soften.
• Sit with the emotion, it might pass and you might find more accurate perspectives.
• Change the behavior, and you might find more compassionate and constructive ways of reacting to people and situations.

This is at the heart of therapeutic work: learning to notice what is automatic, and practicing to do what is intentional.

The secret is that our thoughts are not always right. What we think we know about ourselves, others, or a situation can be challenged. The same event (A friend not responding) can lead to different outcomes if we don’t take what we believe as fact, and consider alternative thoughts or explanations:

I’m Thinking What You’re Thinking

If your inner voice sometimes feels too loud, know that you are not alone. These patterns are part of being human, and they are shaped by unique histories, relationships, and experiences. However, if you feel these patterns are impacting your physical, or mental well-being or your ability to function, therapy can be of great help. That said, you don’t need to be in therapy to use the Cognitive Triangle. You can begin wherever you are, with small questions that interrupt automatic ways of thinking that might be inaccurate. Ask yourself:

• “What am I thinking right now?”
• “Are my thoughts true?”
• “What am I feeling”
• “What am I doing or avoiding?”
• “Is there another explanation for what’s happening?”

Even a few moments of reflection can open space between reaction and response. It is in that space where we see, retrace, and redraw the different sketches of the self.

Looking Ahead

While the Cognitive Triangle can help us observe and change certain thoughts and behaviors, many of those patterns are driven by deeper beliefs. In the next post, we’ll explore Core Beliefs and Intermediate Beliefs – the often unconscious assumptions we carry about ourselves, others, and the world. These early-formed beliefs often sit beneath the surface, and continue to quietly guide how we experience life.

Further Readings

If you’d like to explore these ideas further, here are a few foundational works that have shaped our understanding of CBT, emotions, and the cognitive triangle:

• Cognitive Therapy & The Emotional Disorders
  by Aaron T. Beck
• Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics & Beyond
  by Judith S. Beck
• Rewire Your Anxious Brain
  by Catherine Pittman & Elizabeth Karle
• Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions